A kids newspaper
Our stories today
The one, the only, the characters you know
The hidden superheroes of our lives. If you read it, you can believe it. Mr. Dembow-bow. The exact one you know. The flying. The all powerful. The majestic. Bill the fat bear, our not-so-hidden taco storage. Quotient, the antagonist. Lemon, the butler out of service. Candy, the all-powered candy machine. There are always going to be much more characters, much more indeed…
Mr. Dembow-bow was not in the best mood. He thought that even Lemon as D.T.’s (Donald Trump) butler was probably in a better mood than he was right now. First of all, he was not feeling very well. Second of all, it was raining and he couldn’t go outside and have a picnic with Bill the fat bear. And third of all, he was reeeeally reeeeally bored. So, he decided to go to his magic world map so he could see if anyone in a sunny place was in trouble right now so he could save them. But unfortunately, the only person that was in trouble right now was Candy, and she was also in a rainy place [or was she?]. Candy was being held hostage by Quotient because she had rained too much candy on his gang and they sank in candy and disappeared. So the only way Quotient could get her back was to make sure she didn’t do anymore “harm” to the world. So Mr. Dembow-bow was almost going to forget his loyal duties as a superhero and go to Bill the fat bear or Lemon’s house when the universal Dembow-bow sign shined in the air. This meant that he had to save someone, even if he was sort-of sick, bored, and it was raining outside. “Ugh.” He said. Even though he really didn’t want to go outside in the pouring rain, he figured if he stopped by Bill the fat bear’s house and grabbed some tacos to munch on when he was saving the person who needed help, he would feel a little better.
So, he flew over to Bill the fat bear’s house. “Hi, Bill.” He said as he stood in front of Bill’s door dripping from the rain. “Hey, dude! Come on in! I’m still on my 82,653th (eighty-two thousand six hundred fifty-three) taco and I need you to keep me company so I can eat some more tacos.” “Sure.” Mr. Dembow-bow replied. What he didn’t know what that this was Bill’s fake-estate agent [Blubul, right?] in a really good disguise that was part of Quotient’s evil army. What he also didn’t know, was that Quotient was right behind the couch, and so was Candy, and so was Lemon, silently trying to free Candy from the long roll of duct tape that was taped on her, as to not let “Bill” hear. Mr. Dembow-bow was officially clueless. He didn’t know that Candy or Lemon OR Quotient were behind the couch. So, obviously, he sat on the couch. And “Bill” sat, too. But because “Bill” sat, the whole couch fell over backwards, right onto Lemon, and Candy and everybody (Quotient). SQUISH!-and they were all pancakes.
Really, literally. They just turned into pancakes, morphed. Three pancakes walked out from behind the couch and Candy Pancake said, “We’re pancakes, right?” and “Bill” said, “You guys are pancakes.” And then everyone stared at everyone, and that went on for about an hour. But then, Lemon Pancake broke the silence. “There’s only one person who can fix this. She’s your sister, Candy!” “I have a sister? “Her name is Chocolate Chip. She started working as D.T.’s substitute butler when I ran away.” “NOOO!” everyone screamed. Quotient screamed because he didn’t want them to know where Chocolate Chip was hidden. Mr. Dembow-bow screamed because this meant that he had to go save Chocolate Chip in the rain. Lemon screamed because she thought that it was all her fault that Candy was in captivity. “Bill” screamed because this meant that his true identity would be revealed soon. And Candy screamed because she didn’t know she had a sister and even though her sister was working as D.T.’s butler right now, she wouldn’t ever want to go near D.T. So, everyone screamed. Then Trapezzoid popped out of nowhere and
To be continued…
When you think they’re wrong, it’s you
Parents. Every child once thought their parent was wrong. And their parents turned out to be right. Every time. What are their secrets? What do they conceal? Think about that the next time you argue with a parent.
Now panic and freak out!
It’s a spelling test! You freak out. But do you realize that spelling might not be as important as people think. I proved, that if you have the first and last letter of the word in the same place, and the middle letters mixed around, people would understand what you are saying. Like this:
Hlelo, my name is _________ (names don’t really work, or do they? Try it at home). I am vrey ecixetd taht you are hree. That says: Hello, my name is __________. I am very excited that you are here. Is it that complicated? Try it on your teacher next time. Just kidding. Don’t do it…
*The best things in life aren’t things*